


Square one

by tyrzgz



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24785239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrzgz/pseuds/tyrzgz
Summary: They stood there for a solid amount of time in silence.They didn’t touch each other.They just shared a broken smile.Lucas grabbed his bag and left.(Saturday morning)
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 6
Kudos: 123





	Square one

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me any mistakes. Thank you for kindness in advance.

**Saturday (14.06.2020) 13.11**

**Lucas POV**

Lucas did not have a chance to speak with Eliott this morning. He just heard Eliott’s painful mumble about the barge. Something like ‘it was not a joke’. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He knew that he told this so heartbreaking story for him only to the boys. He put two and two together and sent the angry message to Baz.

**_To Baz_ **

_Fuck Baz I told you the story about Eliott and me on the boat in confidence. In confidence means that nobody should find out about it. You told Daphne and the whole school makes fun of him. You know it was not funny! Some people can use it against him Baz! You don’t even know what have you done?1?!_

The trust matter was not in his favor ever apparently. He was fed up. And tired. He didn’t want to think anymore. He’s done too much thinking. He was done.

Knocking on the front door brought Lucas out of his reverie. It’s Eliott’s parents. He called them after today’s morning events. He zipped the travel bag and headed to open the door.

„Hi sunshine.” Anette greeted him. Her voice was cooing but he felt her concern anyway.

„Good afternoon. Thank you for coming.” He said calmly. She pulled him into tight hug. „Where is Yannik?”

„He is looking for the parking spot.” She sighed. „Could you please tell me what really happened?” Anette asked straightforward.

She sat at the kitchen table while Lucas was making the tea. „Well as you know he ended up at the sobering station after the uhm… heavy night. He was completely drunk, I didn’t have a chance to talk to him. I brought him home. He is asleep.” He shrugged defeated.

„Do you think he took something? Drugs?”

„I don’t know… I don’t think so.”

Anette just nodded while Yannik greeted with Lucas.

“It’s not an episode.” Yannik simply stated.

“No. But I’m not sure where it all leads. I don’t even know if he takes his meds.” He admitted shamefully. He probably disappointed them. He felt like failure.

Now the three of them were sitting at the table nursing their teas.

„I would like to ask you for help. I mean if you could stay with him maybe… because I can’t.” Lucas finally asked.

Eliott parents looked at him a bit confused. „Of course. But… Is everything all right Lucas? You can tell us everything.” Yannik told him.

„Eliott met a girl.” He blurted it out. „They were partying together. She is much younger than him and she has some issues herself. I had a bad feeling… that this relationship wouldn’t go… well. I even tried to suggest that to her.” He stammered nervously. Tears appeared in his eyes involuntary. „He probably just wanted to help her, at least that’s what he said…”

„It’s not your fault Lucas. We know you want the best for him but it’s not your fault. It’s not your responsibility to watch his every single step.” Anette grabbed his hand and squeezed it. „You cannot put this on yourself Lucas.” She assured him sympathetically. “He really should have know better.” She added assuring.

Lucas shook his head. „No. It’s not just that. This morning is just the escalation. He was off even before he met her. I just pretended that I didn’t see it.”

„Lucas sunshine, he loves you. He can be too much sometimes but you should hear what he says about you. He praises you all the time, he is sincerely grateful that he has you.”

“I think it not enough.” Lucas whispered sadly.

“What are you going to do Lucas?” Yannik asked.

“I called my friend Mika, I can stay at his place during the Bac week. After exams I will visit my mom. I really need to see her and spend some time with her. Then we will see.”

“Eliott really gets under your skin this time.” Her voice was low and she sounded dejected.

Lucas took a deep breath. “It’s not that. I just… I have to figure things out and focus on exams. I don’t feel confident about them, I really need to do the last minute revision. I cannot screw it up, I really can’t.”

“Ok. Ok. We understand. Whatever you wish but remember that we will always be by your side Lucas. You are the family.”

He blushed and nodded awkwardly. “Thank you. I go finish the packing. Then I wait until Eliott wakes up. I don’t want to disappear without another word.”

* * *

A few minutes later Lucas heard Eliott raspy voice. He was pale and definitely not fully sober. “Mama. Papa. What are you doing here?” He asked surprised.

“I called them.” Lucas said bravely. He is calm and cool. He restrained every single emotion he had.

Their gaze met. “Ohh. Ok I get it. You want to humiliate me, that’s what it is.” Eliott laughed bitterly. “So Lola was right all along you all just wait for me to fail. Screw up, bipolar boyfriend. Lame son. When will he mess up again? Who is gonna clean after him this time?” He screamed at them angrily.

“I called them because I didn’t know who I should call. You did not introduce me to your new friends.” Lucas took the opportunity of snarky comment. “I just didn’t want you to be alone.” He added silently.

This directed Eliott’s attention to Lucas’ travel bag and backpack. He looked like someone who is leaving. “What are you doing? Just like that. You just waited for my mistake to bail on. You can do whatever you want whenever you want. Gets high or drunk. But I have to be crystal clear all the fucking time just because you want me to. That much superior you feel. Bravo Lucas, bravo. At least now I know who you really are.”

“Eliott.” Anette warned him.

“What mama?! I’m just burden for all of you. Insubordinate baggage nobody wants. ”

“Eliott! That’s not true and you know it.” Yannik told him adamantly. “Calm down. And listen to Lucas please.” He motioned for his wife and they walked out the door.

“So what so interesting do you have to say? That I am incapable of anything. That you can’t handle it anymore. I heard it before.”

Lucas just put his bag on his shoulder. “I’m not going to entertain you and your attitude.” He tried to walked past him. But Eliott stopped him in place.

Lucas escaped quickly from his grip and stepped back firmly. “You give up. Just like that. You don’t trust me at all.”

“You don’t trust me either.” Lucas bit back.

“ So you really are like…”

“Please don’t finish this sentence.” He looked deep into Eliott’s eyes for the first time today. Eliott saw Lucas’ pain there and humbled himself. “That’s why I stopped communicate with you Eliott.” He began. Eliott was stunned by Lucas’ collected behavior. This tactics works Lucas thought. Screaming and yelling was never effective. It really takes all his power to be that composed and careful. “You are always saying this. Your only argument is that I am controlling and I’m like Lucille. Even when I know that I’m not controlling I prefer to say nothing because I know you would be annoyed again. It’s spiraling. And I’m so afraid that I’ll become Lucille one day that I am choosing to stay in the dark hoping that someday you will fully open up to me.”

Eliott looked at him confused. “You know everything about me.” He whispered shyly.

Lucas looked at him skeptically. “So why are you lying to me? About Lola? About your work schedule. You are telling me that you are at video club when you are not.” Eliott opened his mouth and closed it. “You don’t tell me where you are at nights. Sneaking out. And I am sitting here thinking ‘should I text you’ or ‘no maybe not it’s nagging’. Your bipolar disorder is not a burden for me Eliott. The lying is. And pushing me away has nothing to do with your MI. And that’s the problem.”

Eloitt looked down. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you would be worried. And you wouldn’t like that.”

“You think I’m less worried when I don’t know if you are safe?” He asked rhetorically. “Have I ever banned you from doing something?”

“No.” Eliott admitted immediately.

“You are capable of everything Eliott. I don’t know more loving and caring person. And of course you can do whatever you want to do. If you want to party with friends, just go. It’s not like I’m going to look over your shoulder or force you to take me with you. Just tell me, that’s all I ask.”

Eliott inhaled sharply. “It’s hard. It’s really hard.”

“What’s hard?”

“Everything.”

“Everything?”

“It’s exhausting. I want to live normally. I want you to live normally. And I know that you just waiting for my episodes to come any second.”

“Not always.” Lucas replied. “Not anymore.”

Eliott looked at him tentatively while Lucas continued. “Believe me Eliott when I ask you if you took your meds it’s not because I suspect you purposely didn’t take them. It’s just genuine reminder. Because sometimes I forget doing things myself. I also educate myself for you and for my mum. It’s not that I fully understand what you are going trough but I’m trying. I want the best for you. Don’t shame me for being cautious.”

Eliott nodded. “I fucked up. I didn’t want that.”

“I know. I fucked up too.” Lucas sighed deeply. His lips started to tramble.

“I love you.” This peace offering seemed to not placate anything this time.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I am scared about us for a while now. I was scared about you tonight. I still am.”

“I hate you are scared about me. I don’t want you to be. You shouldn’t be.”

“Why? Aren’t you scared about me? When you don’t know where I am for example?”

“It’s not the same. I care about you. It’s natural that I’m worried. Besides I always know where you are.” Eliott trailed off. He seemed to finally digest what Lucas had in mind. Bipolar or not. You will always be worried about your loved one.

Lucas smiled at him. “My dream is not to be your savior Eliott. I want to be your partner you can always count on. And I love you too. I love you not in spite of who you are but because if it.”

Eliott sniffed and wiped his watered eyes. “Don’t go. We can figure this out.”

“We will figure this out. But we need space for that. And this is right moment. Thick line. Now you fully know what I can offer you. If it’s not enough for you, that’s okay. If you are longing something else, that’s okay too.” He finally said.

They stood there for a solid amount of time in silence.

They didn’t touch each other.

They just shared a broken smile.

Lucas grabbed his bag and left.

* * *

The coloc had new residents. So Lucas had to occupy this well know old sofa. He was sitting on the floor in Mika’s living room. Books scattered around him. He felt oddly relieved. He need that little breather.

„Here” Lisa said and put a plate on the table in front of Lucas.

Lucas squinted. Dry, toast bread with cheese and ketchup. „Thank you Lisa, that’s very thoughtful of you.” He was genuinely grateful.

„Yeah. I’ve never seen you so dedicated to studying. I feel sorry for you.” She shook her head disdainfully.

Lucas laughed a bit. Lisa was so funny sometimes. It was hard to admit but he missed her.

Sound of incoming mail drew his attention. It’s from Eliott. He hesitated for a moment. He closed his eyes and opened it.

_Dear Lucas,_

_I hope you are doing well. I over thought your words and you are right. We both have insecurities we struggle to overcome. And it won’t be ever possible if we keep ignoring it. I did not realize until you pointed out that your constant worried look on your face was not caused by my mental illness on it’s own but by my actions which have nothing to do with my bipolar disorder. I thought that not telling you the entire truth protect us, protect you from being disappointed in me. I was so afraid that I would hurt you that I deluded that it was for the better. Now I understand that could create an impression that I distanced myself from you or that I am unfaithful. I know that I hurt you by doing so even more. You always were very understanding, sometimes too understanding. I took it for granted. I took you for granted. I wish you could forgive me this time too. I wish I can earn your trust somehow. I promise to communicate. And I promise to always listen. I could never dream of the better companion. I really hope I still can be that for you too even in the smallest fraction._

_Please remember that I am never not thinking of you._

_Good luck tomorrow._

_Yours Eliott_

Lucas read it once. Twice. And again and again. He breathed a sigh of relief. Inhale, exhale. He started typing.

 _Thank you for this letter. It means a great deal to me. I really appreciate it._ _Pas peur…_

* * *

**4 weeks later**

**Eliott’s POV**

Eliott was standing across from the coffee shop. Lucas’ workplace. He was nervous. He was watching Lucas for a while now. He’s never seen him like this. He couldn’t describe it. It’s kind of like Lucas’s grown up. He looked so confident and content. He bustled around the place chatting with customers. He was glowing. And Eliott was _impressed_.

He looked on their last conversation.

**_From Lucas:_ **

_Hi. I hope I’m not bothering you. I just wanted to tell you that I got my Bac results and it’s enough to provide me with full scholarship for my studies and maintenance grant in addition. I also got the summer job in coffee shop near my mom’s apartment_

**_To Lucas:_ **

_Wow Lucas! I didn’t know you apply for scholarship…_

**_From Lucas:_ **

_It was last minute_

**_To Lucas:_ **

_I’m so proud of you. You have no idea how happy I’m for you. Thank you for telling me._

**_From Lucas:_ **

_Yeah it’s kind of life-changing. Nobody knows yet. I wanted you to find out first_

Eliott finally came in 5 minutes before closing.

„Bonsoir monsieur.” He greeted Lucas diffidently shoving his hands in jeans pockets.

„Bonsoir.” Lucas smiled at him. „How may I help you?”

„It’s really cold outside today.” He shivered. “I really need to warm myself. What would you recommend?”

„We have great raspberry tea. With raspberry fruits, rosemary, honey and ginger.”

„Sounds great.”

„You can take a sit. I will bring your order to the table.” Lucas said politely and started to make a tea.

„Ok. Thank you.”

„And what’s your name?”

„Eliott. I’m Eliott.” He said quietly and walked away slowly.

„Eliott.” Eliott heard as Lucas muttered to himself with a small hum.

A few moments later Lucas served a cup of tea to Eliott. Then he headed to close the front door. Now there were just the two of them.

“I’m sorry… but your jacket.” That camel jacket Eliott was wearing over a year ago. Eliott heart skipped a bit. His internal anxiety couldn’t take him over. Not right now.

“What about it?” Eliott asked with feign carelessness.

“It’s nice and familiar… I know a guy who used to wear the very similar one.”

“Oh. Maybe it is the same one…” Lucas’ eyes shone visibly in interest. “This is a very special jacket. You can wear in only on a very special occasion.”

“For example?” Lucas asked breathlessly.

“Meeting with the most important person.” Eliot replied without hesitation. Lucas stared at Eliott curiously. “The guy probably is very sentimental. He will never admit it to himself but he is. I bet he has a shoesbox full of sketches, theater tickets, photo booth’s pictures, restaurant’s napkins, bottle caps just because it reminds him of one person.” Eliott paused and searched for Lucas’ eyes. “He doesn’t wear this jacket anymore because he doesn’t want it to get worn.” He added.

With that he reached for Lucas’ hand. Eliott saw Lucas for the very first time wearing this jacket. Eliott met Lucas wearing this exact jacket. It must be the square one. This had to be their chance.

He could see Lucas was on the verge of tears. Eliott was moved himself too.

Finally Lucas accepted the handgrip. “I can only offer you the new start, Lucas.” He declared hopefully.

Holding hands in the stirring light of the coffee shop last only for a split second because they threw themselves into each other arms in the bone crushing hug. The embrace so intimate that they almost became one.


End file.
